I remember the first birthday party I had with the cookie monster cake, and how it was at the park near the junior high school that I always considered it as belonging to our family alone. I remember crying for whatever silly reason, then nothing after that from that day.
I hold in my heart the promise that you made to me from day one: that the world doesn’t owe me a goddamn thing, and if I want something, I can have it with determination and integrity. Integrity. Grandma talked about that a lot, too. It was one of the last things she said to me when I came out to her over dinner.
I will always recall the day I fell from the heavens on a red bolt of lightning, striking a tree with roots that reached down to the banks of the sea. That tree remains frozen in time, and is where all of those moments are stored, persisting through our bodies and souls. That day, I left the bosom of the sea. I was out amongst the behemoths of the earth, slaying and befriending cosmic gods and sewing seeds at the nexus of creation which you have yet to travel. That is worrying to you, but there’s no need to fear.
We all are the Family which is the beacon of the light of All. Nothing which crosses our path is meant to impede us. God loves seeing us triumph. So it does no good to fear tripping and falling over branches and stones when we are divinely gifted with sight that allows us to simply look where we walk.
I can’t tell you not to worry. All I can promise is that our will to love is sovereign and supreme, not fear. I will not bow to fear that does not serve, I will only bow to love, which always does. If you live for love, there’s nothing to fear, and nothing to lose.
“Thank you” is never enough. Neither is “I’m sorry,” or “You’re amazing” or “I love you.” But I will tell you anyway, until I am shorn of my body and soul, and even then ever after until even the etheric is in a form you no longer recognize.
I love you always. No matter where I will go.